그 사람을 원하지 않아도 가까이 두는 이유; 어장관리 EP31 [주간 영어] – Fall Season #영어 #영어회화

Why We Keep Someone Close Even If We Don’t Want Them
원하지 않아도 가까이 두는 이유

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There’s this guy I know who keeps texting me.
내가 아는 한 남자가 계속 메시지를 보낸다.

Honestly, I don’t want him as my boyfriend.
솔직히 말해서, 나는 그를 남자친구로 삼고 싶지 않다.

But when I imagine him chatting with another girl, 

그런데 그가 다른 여자랑 대화하는 걸 상상하면…

 

I feel… annoyed, jealous, and a little panicked.
짜증나고, 질투 나고, 조금 당황스럽기도 하다.

It’s selfish, I know.
이건 이기적이라는 걸 안다.

I don’t want the effort of a relationship, but I also don’t want anyone else to “have” him.
나는 관계에 들어가는 노력을 하고 싶지 않지만, 누구도 그를 ‘가지는’ 걸 보고 싶지 않다.

I keep him in my orbit without meaning to, just because the thought of losing control feels uncomfortable.
나는 의도치 않게 그를 내 주변에 두고 있다. 통제권을 잃는다는 생각이 불편하기 때문이다.

My friend once told me, “It’s not about loving him, it’s about not wanting to lose what might be yours.”
친구가 한 번 이렇게 말했다. “사랑해서가 아니라, 내 것이 될 수도 있는 걸 잃고 싶지 않아서 그런 거야.”

That made me laugh, but also realize it was true.
웃기기도 했지만, 동시에 맞는 말이었다.

I wasn’t in love — I was protecting a possibility.
나는 사랑한 게 아니라, 가능성을 지키고 있었던 것이다.

Psychologists explain this with something called the “endowment effect”: 

심리학자들은 이를 ‘소유 효과(endowment effect)’로 설명한다.

 

we value what seems ours, even if we barely use it.
거의 사용하지 않아도, 내 것처럼 느껴지는 것을 우리는 더 가치 있게 여긴다.

I wasn’t dating him, but my mind treated that small connection like a treasure.
나는 그와 사귀는 건 아니었지만, 작은 연결조차 내 마음 속에서는 보물처럼 느껴졌다.

And then there’s reactive jealousy: even if I don’t want him, I hate seeing him with someone else.
그리고 반응적 질투도 있다. 원하지 않아도, 그가 다른 사람과 있는 건 싫다.

It’s like a tiny alarm goes off inside my head: “Hey, that could’ve been mine!”
내 머릿속에는 작은 경보가 울린다. “이거 내 것이 될 수도 있었는데!”

So why do we do this?
그렇다면 왜 우리는 이런 행동을 할까?

Why keep someone close even if we don’t care enough to commit?
관심도 많지 않은 사람을 가까이 두는 이유는 뭘까?

Because humans hate losing options.
인간은 선택지를 잃는 걸 싫어하기 때문이다.

Freedom is great, but uncertainty is scary.
자유는 좋지만, 불확실함은 두렵다.

Possibility feels like possession.
가능성은 곧 소유처럼 느껴진다.

In the end, I realized it’s about me, not him.
결국 깨달은 건, 이건 그가 아니라 나 자신에 관한 문제였다.

I had to admit that my attachment wasn’t love — it was my ego and my fear of missing out.
나의 집착은 사랑이 아니라, 내 자존심과 놓치기 싫은 두려움이었다.

And only when I let go of that illusion could I feel a little peace.
그 환상을 놓아야만 조금의 평화를 느낄 수 있었다.

 

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• There’s this guy I know who keeps texting me. Honestly, I don’t want him as my boyfriend. But when I imagine him chatting with another girl, I feel… annoyed, jealous, and a little panicked.

 

• It’s selfish, I know. I don’t want the effort of a relationship, but I also don’t want anyone else to “have” him. I keep him in my orbit without meaning to, just because the thought of losing control feels uncomfortable.

 

• My friend once told me, “It’s not about loving him, it’s about not wanting to lose what might be yours.” That made me laugh, but also realize it was true. I wasn’t in love — I was protecting a possibility.

 

• Psychologists explain this with something called the “endowment effect”: we value what seems ours, even if we barely use it. I wasn’t dating him, but my mind treated that small connection like a treasure.

 

• And then there’s reactive jealousy: even if I don’t want him, I hate seeing him with someone else. It’s like a tiny alarm goes off inside my head: “Hey, that could’ve been mine!”

 

• So why do we do this? Why keep someone close even if we don’t care enough to commit? Because humans hate losing options. Freedom is great, but uncertainty is scary. Possibility feels like possession.

 

• In the end, I realized it’s about me, not him. I had to admit that my attachment wasn’t love — it was my ego and my fear of missing out. And only when I let go of that illusion could I feel a little peace.

 

 

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Word / ExpressionMeaningExample Sentence

Orbit	관심·관계 범위	I keep him in my orbit without realizing. 나는 모르게 그를 내 주변에 두고 있다.
Annoyed	짜증난	I felt annoyed when he ignored my message. 그는 내 메시지를 무시해서 짜증이 났다.
Possibility	가능성	I was protecting a possibility, not love. 나는 사랑이 아니라 가능성을 지키고 있었다.
Endowment effect	소유 효과	The endowment effect makes small connections feel valuable. 소유 효과는 작은 연결도 가치 있게 느끼게 한다.
Reactive jealousy	반응적 질투	Reactive jealousy can appear even without love. 사랑이 없어도 반응적 질투가 나타날 수 있다.
Commitment	헌신, 약속	I didn’t want commitment, but I didn’t want him to go either. 나는 헌신은 원치 않았지만, 그가 떠나는 것도 싫었다.
Let go	놓다, 포기하다	I had to let go of my illusion to find peace. 나는 평화를 찾기 위해 내 환상을 놓아야 했다.
Ego	자존심, 자아	My ego made me hold onto the idea. 내 자존심이 그 생각을 붙잡게 했다.
Fear of missing out	놓칠까 봐 두려움	Fear of missing out kept me checking his messages. 놓칠까 봐 두려워서 나는 그의 메시지를 계속 확인했다.